..::..listen.TRICK.I've.had.all.I.can.handle..::..

Between The Bars

Tasting - nothing
Wanting - my salmon and garlic butter spaghetti to be ready
Thinking - 'I'm fucking hungry'
Wearing - home pants, black beater and a black Elliott Smith hoodie
Doing - typing, watching 30 Rock and waiting for my food

Tuna and crackers sounded like a good idea for lunch at the time cause of all the protein and amino fatty acids... not too fulfilling though. Starving like Marvin.

So much like yesterday, I don't really have much to say... oh, yeah, aside from I HATE PEOPLE. Fucking hell. That's not quite fair to say, I don't hate all people just some people, mainly the stupid and... no, just the stupid. When I say "no, your prescription's been expired for 3 months and I can't fill it" it means "your prescription's expire and I can't fill it". Don't fucking try to go over me and ask to talk to my supervisor. Idiot. Like they would back you up instead of me.

Also, when I say 45 minutes, I mean 45 minutes because if I meant 15, I would've fucking said 15 minutes. Twat.

Prices for Amsterdam still haven't dropped. It seems like all the other airlines do a code share with KLM, which makes sense since they're the national Dutch airline. Strange thing though, every other airline is charging like $100 more than KLM and it's a code share.

Now I'm hungry and my salmon and pasta are almost ready. Yay!

99 Problems

Tasting - nothing
Wanting - something tasty
Thinking - 'I'm starting to get hungry'
Wearing - home pants, black beater and a black Elliott Smith hoodie
Doing - typing and watching TV and chatting with Darren

It's been just over 3 years since I last updated... I guess that was also around the time Darren and I started going out...

Too much to update y'all on... so I won't bother trying.

I am going to Amsterdam, France and mainly Spain. I'm very excited. Never been to Europe before... But since I'll be backpacking I guess this means I should actually start working out. My backpack can hold up to 60 litres, 60 pounds max but ideally no more than 40... not that I'll be coming in near that much. Really, other than clothes, I don't need to bring much.

Now I remember why I stopped updating... just not much to say. Hmm...

I don't know if I'll try again or just make this a one time thing... Gotta leave with some suspense!

One Love

Tasting - salsa and chips
Wanting - ...a text
Thinking - 'this is good'
Wearing - home pants and white t-shirt
Doing - typing and eating

What the fuck is the point of Facebook? It's like a popularity contest to see who has most friends... or who's willing to ho it out to make friends.

I'm a member but only because I was invited by someone else. Don't know why though since we don't even talk to each other.

Saw Darren this morning before I headed off to work. It was good, didn't really do much other than, umm, watch TV and make fun of there being nothing on TV but jury shows.

Work on the other hand was pretty dead thus Michelle let me leave early and get paid for it, too. She's sweet. But it was absolutely dead, nothing was going on.

Just like this update.

How To Save A Life

Tasting - nothing
Wanting - nothing
Thinking - 'I'm thirsty'
Wearing - jeans, white t-shirt
Doing - typing and grooving

I'm thirsty. Lately I've been pretty cotton mouth, I don't know why.

So dinner came and went with, uh, some interesting results. It was a pretty damn good date. Had some fun, ate some mediocre yet expensive food and watched Hannibal Rising.

Darren's sweet and really funny but I don't know if I feel anything with him or it's just fun. Either way, it doesn't really matter since he'll be leaving in July anyways for this charity road race he's doing from London to Mongolia for a month or so. We'll see if this even continues 'til then or if he finds me when he gets back.

Another issue is the age difference. He's 14 years older then me. It's not that big of a deal but at a point when we were walking into the video place he started talking about all the roadwork and how it's a pain but hopefully the 2010 Games will make it all worthwhile. I told him probably not because nothing ever really lives up to the hype surrounding it. Then he was like "no, the 1984 Expo was pretty cool. Don't you remember?" I kind of paused and was like "yeah, I was born that year, so not likely".

He was like beat. Beat. Beat. "Does this make me a cradle robber?"

It was pretty funny.

I think I'm seeing him again tomorrow before I start work at 3 but that depends on whether or not he'll have started a new project by then. I'm supposed to text him so we'll see.

My Blue Heaven

Tasting - water
Wanting - ...
Thinking - 'I should get ready'
Wearing - jeans, black Care Bear t-shirt
Doing - typing and blinking shit out of my eye

Been a while since I've last talked about absolutely nothing. Life's been pretty tame lately, hence no updates.

Mat finally replied to my email I sent him on his birthday (in April). He's moved to California. Expected as much. But we've been playing email tag for the past couple of days and, even as much as it hurts, I think it's better this way. He believes I'm truly sorry and that makes everything a hell of a lot easier.

Laura and I had a discussion about how to mend a broken heart (he emailed me when I was at work and I started crying) and she told me to stop looking for it and just to have some fun. I've been in a relationship, a serious one, since I was 17 and I'm still young. So she told me just to go out and meet some people and have fun.

Then she told me about a barbecue she was having with her husband's co-workers and that I should come since her cute Mexican friend was coming. I went and he didn't show but someone else did. Umm, we hit it off and fooled around for a bit then asked for my number.

We've been texting since Saturday night, when I saw him, and now I'm having dinner with him tonight. I'm looking forward to it, to say the least. But it should be fun. He seems like a really sweet guy and he's really funny. Good combo.

Only downside is, I have no idea how old he is. I'm thinking early 30's since he was mentioning that he went to elementary school in the 70's. It doesn't make a difference either way seeing as how I'm not really in this with the idea of emerging into a relationship. I'll take it for what it's worth.

Anywys, I don't wanna jinx it or just keep gushing so I'll go and get ready... in a manner of speaking.

The Blower's Daughter

Tasting - water
Wanting - a cigarette
Thinking - 'my foot's falling asleep'
Wearing - jeans, black and white striped shirt from Alcatraz
Doing - typing

San Fran was fun, but it was so fucking hot. We weren't actually in San Fran though, it was Palo Alto which is in the middle of the desert so hence the heat. But we got shit done. Saw tourist-y sights and did some shopping. A buttload of shopping actually.

It was good times.

Don't really have much to say but just felt like updating since I'm back now.

Thing that sucks though is I don't really have anything to look forward to now. Not for a bit, I think. I should make my own excitement.

But that involves effort.

One Eighty By Summer

Tasting - water
Wanting - ...nothing
Thinking - 'I'm itchy'
Wearing - jeans, beater, black sweater
Doing - typing

Good song. By TBS, natch.

Not much to say but I figure I should update before I head off to 'Frisco for a week.

I'm excited but not as excited as I thought I would be. But still excited, like half excited.

My foot's falling asleep.

Beat.

Beat.

Beat.

This was pretty pointless.

Prison Sex

Tasting - nothing
Wanting - to get to work already
Thinking - 'hmm...'
Wearing - black pant, beater
Doing - typing

I forgot how much I love this song. Prison Sex by Tool. Motherfucking rad, yo.

So I just got my schedule for the next two weeks (until the third week of June) and at one point, I work for 15 days straight between job one and job two without a break. I've done that before, albeit it was only 14 days but I figure one more isn't going to kill me.

I dig it though cause I get to make money and won't have the time to spend it. That and it's after I get back from San Fran so I can start making some of the money I'll be pissing away.

Cindy came over the other night and the three of us planned our entire week in 'Frisco and what we'll be doing for each day. It sucks though because we don't know what days Johnson's working and what time he'll be able to leave work so we can't include him in on our plans.

But it'll be a fun trip, I foresee Cindy and I getting into a buttload of fun. Good times.

Now That You Are Leaving

Tasting - water
Wanting - stupid center part to go away
Thinking - 'I'm hungry'
Wearing - jeans, London shirt
Doing - to act like my part isn't bugging me

So I got a real interesting email from Johnson today. He's asking me to find out Lainey's ring size for him so he can start shopping for engagement rings. So now I have to act all stealth and see if I can 'subtley' ask her her ring size. That or just jack the one she's wearing now.

On an unrelated note: I just bought a couple of Redkens products for my new hair. I got their number 20 hairspray and their concrete pomade. Their stuff is the shit. But I still need a buttload of concrete and hairspray to make my damn bangs keep their shape without showing my center part. I've gone so low as to put a clip to hold it while I sleep.

I look like I'm 12 with the clip in.

Anyways, I have yoga tonight so I should probably eat now so I don't cramp up when I start.

A Lack Of Color

Tasting - nothing
Wanting - my damn part to conform
Thinking - 'rock on'
Wearing - jeans, TBS beater and robot hoodie
Doing - trying to get my damn part to conform

So I finally cut my damn hair today. It was liberating and scary all at the same time.

Sam was super sweet, she tied up my hair in a very loose and low pony tail and then just snipped off about 10 1/2 inches. I was pretty zen when she was cutting it off then when she held it up for me to see it was like "holy crap, what the hell did I just do?"

I told her she had free reign over it and could do whatever she wanted so long as it wasn't a pixie cut and so long as I looked like a rock star. (Exact words: "I'm not down with the whole pixie look but I'd like to look like a rock star".)

She ended up giving me an asymmetrical bob with graduated layers in the back and short bangs. I originally wasn't liking the bangs at all, I wanted her to keep the bangs kinda long but then she snipped from just below shoulder length to just above my eyebrow.

But she dried it then styled it and started cutting off some more to make the layers more noticeable.

It's beautiful I'm so grooving on the cut right now. But the only maintenance required, because I'm damn lazy, is that I have to put some product into it in the morning if I want the layers to be noticeable. Still pretty damn simple though.

Going Nowhere

Tasting - excitement
Wanting - time to stand still... but also to go forward
Thinking - 'fuck yeah!'
Wearing - jeans, white tank top, grey sweater
Doing - listening to Elliott's new album

Dude, bad timing for me to have bought Feist's album yesterday. It's not regret because her album is completely bitching but nothing can compare to gettin a new Elliott CD.

It came in the mail today, I preordered from Kill Rock Stars and they said that it would take 6 - 8 weeks for it to get to me and I got all worried cause what if it got here while I was in San Fran? But, no, they mailed it out on the first and it got to me today.

It is indeed a ray of sunshine in my dark little world. No joke.

This is such rad shit. They're all previously recorded but never released stuff. So it's like it's new old stuff. I really loved his old music. It was, to me, the epitome of music.

I'm in the middle of reading the liner notes and they're all a bunch of stories about Elliott written by the people who worked or knew him. It's refreshing to hear some stories about a person you wouldn't expect to hear.

If you ever get the opportunity to listen to his music, I strongly suggest you do. There's a beautiful melancholy hopefulness in it. It doesn't make any sense, I know but to countless others who've needed a helping hand at their darkest hour, trust me, his music is a saving grace. He was mine.

He'll make you smile through the tears and, when you're at that moment when you think nothing will get better or you feel like you're about to go under, there's nothing more powerful than that.

So Sorry

Tasting - melted green tea frap
Wanting - a cigarette
Thinking - 'fuckabees! this is damn good'
Wearing - jeans, flowery top, black tank
Doing - listening to Feist's new album

I'm still disappointed at us being knocked out. Damn, it's going to be another five months before the season starts. But in the mean time it's baseball season. How lackluster is that? Dude, you couldn't pay me enough to sit in the empty stands watching someone try to hit a ball then run around in a circle then do that like twp hours more.

On an upside note, I just bought the new Feist album and fuck me it's rad. I'm only two songs in and I'm already sold. She's got such an amazing and original voice. She's gorgeous as all hell, too.

I also moved up my hair appointment to Friday instead of Saturday. I forgot I had to drive my parents to board their cruise ship to Alaska. I'm kind of excited but I'm so ready to let go of all this hair.

And in news that would make me happy and not bitch about how talentless ho's get all the breaks: Paris Hilton, you know the equivelent of human spam who does nothing but slurs racial obscenities and opens her herpes and chlamydia infected vagina to any guy with a nose, has been sentenced to serve 45 days in jail.

Jail, people. No house arrest, no work release, no electric monitoring: JAIL. Finally, somebody with some balls to stand up to somebody who got lucky being born into the right family. Dude, if she weren't a fucking Hilton, she'd be living under some underpass giving handjobs for a Coach bag.

Remember kids; ladies in jail aren't all that star struck by somebody as useless as Paris Hilton. If the moon and the stars align, I'm betting she'll be somebody's bitch the first day and get passed around like a carton of cigarettes.

And, no, I don't feel bad for her. She drove with a suspended license, got caught and did it again like a month later.

Everlong (acoustic)

Tasting - water
Wanting - a cigarette and coffee
Thinking - 'no more hockey for 5 months
Wearing - black pants, white tank
Doing - typing

This is the first time in almost 9 months that I've listened to this song and not cried.

So as a buttload of people already know, we're out of the run. I don't blame Louie by the way, even though he could've saved what eventually was the game winner. The only reason we lasted as long as we did in second period overtime was because of his unbelievable saves.

And I realize that we needed to play a more offensive and defensive game and, yeah, we need to work on our stick and puck handling as well as our positioning but where the fuck was the goalie interference call when they bowled into Louie getting the first goal?

Don't even get me started on the lack of a slashing call against Anaheim that caused Salo to lose his stick which eventually culminated into the kill goal.

There was an assload of goalie interference calls that went unmade against Louie but the moment somebody touched Giggy, it'd be straight to the hell cell.

Louie's not a god. So, no, I don't blame him for not making that save.

I called Next! for my hair appointment, it's going to be next Saturday at 1pm. I originally wanted it to be tomorrow but the stylist is going out of town so it'll have to be next Saturday.

Paralyzer

Tasting - caramel popcorn
Wanting - a cigarette and to stop coughing
Thinking - 'stupid cold'
Wearing - jeans, blue t-shirt, white hoodie
Doing - typing and coughing up my lung

I know, I know, this is no where near as good as Drag You Down but it's catchy none the less.

Nothing really interesting to say other than fucking hell, time goes by fast when you're not really paying attention to it.

Every now and then, I catch myself thinking about where I was this time last year. It's funny how fast things can change in a year. Eventually it will be a year then I'll think of how fast I'd have come since August and considering I was thinking pretty dark thoughts, I guess that's a feat.

Lately I've been thinking maybe it's time and I'm ready to start something new but, deep down, I know I'm not quite there yet. You can't be with somebody until you can be alone. I've realized that I can't be dependant on other's for my happiness which is what I was.

I get nostalgic at moments but 5 fucking years right? Nobody ever said it was going to be easy.

Speaking of nostalgia (good segue way, by the way 'segue' looks so wrong but according to Microsoft Word, that's the correct spelling), there's this awesome ass cover of Between The Bars by Chris Garneau. Go YouTube him. He does the song some justic.

Like A Stone

Tasting - white chocolate
Wanting - a cigarette
Thinking - 'game fucking seven'
Wearing - jeans, gray t-shirt, black zip up hoodie
Doing - typing and getting hair off my face

Fuckabees. We were leading 3-1 in the series and all we had to do was win one more game and then Dallas would be knocked out. Who knew that feat would sound more impossible than it actually was. Or is. I don't know which tense to use seeing as how we still have game seven to knock them out.

All we need is one or two goals and Louie will be a brick wall. Tomorrow's the game seven in the seven game quarter finals before we either advance or go golfing.

It's heartaching to watch a team like the Canucks, where I know we're capable of being great, playing at such a par level.

Enough hockey talk since that's really all I've been talking about every time I update.

Speaking of which, they've been few and far between. Not much going on in my life nowadays so therefore the lack of posts.

Oh, I've also most definitely made up my mind about my next tattoo. (You can either think of it as two or as four.) I'm getting two swallows on my back, one for my sister and the other's for my brother. Swallows were originally sailor tats representing how many journeys they went out on but it also symbolizes family and loved ones because no matter how far the birds traveled, eventually they'd come home to rest.

And since Lainey's moving to San Fran next year and my brother's already out of the house, it's a good symbol. I'm also thinking of getting my parents birth years on the side of my ribs. We'll see.

Anyways, I'm hungry now and feel like instant noodles. So bad for you but I don't really care.

MakeDamnSure

Tasting - cigarettes
Wanting - ...nothing
Thinking - 'Fucking contacts'
Wearing - jeans, maroon hoodie with a geisha
Doing - typing and blinking shit out of my eye

Been a week. Kinda eventful.

So we won our first quater final game against the Stars. It went into quadruple over time before Hank top shelfed it with two minutes left before it went into round eight. But we let a two point lead slide.

I'd like to forget about Friday's game and pretend that never happened. We got shut out 2 - 0 on home turf. Which is better than being shut out on visiting ice cause then we'd get jackass hicks rubbing it in our faces. Look at your team, assholes, they're Canadian. Suck on that.

But Pyatt, my boyfriend, won it in the first OT on Sunday. Dallas' home ice. Eat that.

Everyone's been riding Bobby Lou for giving up the two goal lead in the first game. Remember kids: this is his first playoff game, ever. And he's the reason we were still in it on Sunday. Cut him some slack.

I'm cold.

You

Tasting - water
Wanting - a lemon tart
Thinking - 'I should get a lemon tart'
Wearing - jeans, beater, brown sweater
Doing - watching TV and typing

Today's the 90th anniversary of Vimy Ridge. Feel proud.

On a completely unrelated note, I really want a lemon tart from Timmy's. I had one for breakfast this morning along with my coffee. It was damn good and I've been having one before each job for the past week.

I'm tempted to go out and get another one now. Stupid temptation.

Anyways, I'm jacked about Wednesday's game first round game against the Stars. It's bound to be good. We've been evenly matched throughout the season so it'll be fun to watch.

Not much else to say other than I really want a lemon tart.

If You Leave

Tasting - water
Wanting - not to go to work
Thinking - 'I should go to work'
Wearing - black pants, beater, green hoodie
Doing - typing

Small update before I head off to work: what the fuck was that 'delay of game' penalty against Louie? Fucking referees.

I understand stopping the play if there's nobody around. That deserves a penalty but when you're out of your net and there's 3 Shark players rushing you? I don't think that was a bad play on his part. That's the perk of being a goalie, you get to stop the play when there's opponents rushing you.

Bullshit.

There were so many bullshit soft penalties that they called against us but come up against Thornton's boarding and it's treated like a soft hook.

Does anyone expect those calls to be made during the playoffs? No, or if they are then they'll call everything and not have it be a one sided game. The ref's were in favor of the Sharks and towards the end starting calling soft penalties against them to even things up for us.

I'm not upset I'm just wondering why there were bullshit calls. Aren't ref's supposed to be impartial?

Hockey Night In Canada

Tasting - water
Wanting - playoffs to start
Thinking - 'Eeek'
Wearing - jeans, beater, gray sweater
Doing - typing and watching TV

We won our second last game of the season against San Jose, securing our top position in the northwest division. It went into OT, by just barely and we won it with one shot on net that was deflected twice by the opposing team before it hit the top shelf. It was a good game.

Our game tomorrow is the last of the regular season against the Coyotes before the playoffs start on Wednesday against either San Jose or Dallas. But we get home ice advantage and despite what everyone says that it doesn't matter where you're playing, I say: bullshit. It makes all the difference in the world.

It's going to be sooo good. Just as all my shows are about to go on hiatus, the playoffs start. But the sucky thing is that I'll be gone for a week at the end of May so I'll be missing a good two or three games. My only hope is that we would've knocked out the team by then and it'll just be a wait until we face our next opponent, but that'll still be a game or two I'll be missing.

My hair's coming off at the end of our run, for better or for worse, I'll be 10 inches shorter in follicle.

Today also commemorates the 90th anniversary of Battle at Vimy Ridge. During WWII, the Canadian Armed Forces, in two hours, completed what the British and French forces couldn't do in months. It was a pivotal point in the war, a year later the German regime fell along with their power. If that's not something to make any Canadian proud then they should be an American.

A Decade Under The Influence

Tasting - water
Wanting - my eye to stop itching
Thinking - 'I'm hungry'
Wearing - black pants, red hoodie
Doing - typing and rubbing my eye

Fuckabees. I got shit in my eye and now it's bugging the crap out of me. It's turning red and sensitive but still itchy as ever. Godammit.

On another note, tis getting to a sad part of the year for me. For most, people would start getting happy in Vancouver around April on account of the best fucking weather in the world but for me, and for countless others as well, it's both bittersweet.

Y'see, between the months of October to April it gets real bittersweet because that's when the best fucking sport in the world hits the ice. And it's great and wonderful and we all laugh and cry together, however! April marks the end of the regular season and, if their team is good enough like Vancouver and some other ones, then their teams will be rewarded with a run at the Stanley Cup.

But, alas, not everybody can be winners. And to the teams that fell short, I bid adieu and good luck on the courses.

Sunday's our last regular game, away against the Coyotes. Kind of a lackluster end to an amazing season in my mind but it's better to leave on a high note, I guess.

I'm psyched about the playoffs. If standings stay the way they are when shit starts then we'll be playing Dallas in the first round. They're a good team so it'll be fun to watch. Notice the lack of tears for Colorado, at the moment, falling short.